House Dems Hit Giuliani With Subpoena For All “Text Messages, Phone Records, And Other Communications” About Ukraine

You're f*cked, Rudy.

609 points

A long time ago, what seems like a lifetime, Donald Trump used to have a personal “fixer” named Michael Cohen. You probably remember that guy — kinda looks like a young Henry Winkler, sitting in federal prison now. But when Cohen went down in a storm of Daniels and McDougals, Trump was left with no real henchman to do his dirty work. What’s Spike without his Chester?

And then former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani came along, and whether he had some kind of dirt on Rudy or he just knew Rudy was dumb enough to be his henchman without the promise of any real return on investment, Trump conscripted that buck-toothed fool into the devil’s work, intricately weaving a part for Rudy into every scheme that he’s played out since he attained the presidency through the only college that would pass him.

But knowing where all the skeletons are buried nine times out of ten makes you a grave robber yourself, and Rudy just can’t help but show off a femur here and there in an interview. That is to say, he’s so compelled by his own self-importance to paint himself as part of the President’s tiny clique that he often publicly notes where those skeletons are. Out loud. On television.


That’s the mess he got himself into after he apparently traveled to Ukraine and hit up everyone he could find with a “Y” at the end of their name who would say good things about Paul Manafort, bad things about Joe Biden and his son Hunter, and Da to helping out The Donald.

But after Rudy once again incriminated himself and his co-conspirator Donald in a criminal way on television and social media, word traveled pretty fast that he was bragging about being in possession of proof that he’d been officially sent on this mission to Ukraine by the State Department, and on the President’s orders.

Big mistake, Rudy.

Now, straight from the House Oversight Committee, Mister Mayor is staring at a subpoena — issued today — signed by Intel Chair Adam Schiff, who’s taking lead on the Ukraine investigation, Eliot Engel, the Chair of Foreign Affairs, and the bulldog on Ukraine himself, Elijah Cummings, who from his Oversight Chair has watched every inch of this debacle go down. From Mike Flynn and Mike Pence to Manafort and Giuliani, Rep. Cummings has been on the detail since December of 2016.

Need a sample? You can read it at that link in the last paragraph, but I could also save you some time: Rudy’s got 15 days to give up the goods.

I might even feel bad for Rudy, if he weren’t so malicious. As it stands, Rudy can rot with the rest of them.

Featured image via screen capture

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609 points