When I was a kid, I had a paper route, and I don’t know how it worked wherever you lived, but in my town, it was self-contained capitalism: I bought the newspapers, I delivered the newspapers, I collected the money for the newspapers. I had a little receipt book with that purple carbon sheet in it and everything.
Anyway, I had a huge route — somewhere around 175 customers, spanning all of my neighborhood and some of the next — and folks of all kinds on it. There was one guy, a rich guy whose name I remember but won’t put here, on account of I suppose he’s probably purchased himself some death prevention elixir or something and is still kicking around. He would always put off paying me until the last possible day, sometimes until the day or two days after it was due, and he would write me a check and say, “Oh, alright!”
I had that route for three years and every holiday, my customers would put something in their paper boxes for me as a little gift. At Christmas they would — almost every one of them — give me a dollar or two tip, even though the paper was only six and a quarter a month (now get off my lawn!).
This rich guy took me aside two days before Christmas one year and he said, “Andy, do you know why I never give you a tip? Because that’s how I got rich.”
It was that asshole I was thinking about when I read that Donald Trump’s two dufus sons had skipped out on their bar tab from the pub crawl they did in Doonbeg, Ireland, near their daddy’s money sieve of a golf course. From the Irish Post:
‘They thanked everyone for their support and for coming out to meet them and said there was a drink for everyone in the house and it was their small gesture.’ Unfortunately, when it came time to footing the bill, things hit a slight snag with neither of the brothers carrying any cash.”
Now, how are you gonna buy a round for the bar if you’ve got no cash on hand? These boys are grown-ups, they know what cash accounting is, and they certainly know that Irish Whisky’s got to be replenished with more than the promises of greasy-haired Trump boys.
It looks to me like more than just racism runs in the family. Donald is notorious for skipping out on his bills and has been his entire life. But then, like that rich guy on my paper route whose name I get closer to putting in here the madder I get, the President might pull you aside and tell you the same: Skipping out on paying people is how he got rich.
Featured image via screen capture
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