Everyone knows the biggest factor in the way America got the way it is, with enough people to elect someone like Donald Trump, is through the influence of Fox News, a propaganda channel formed for the express purpose of derailing the Bill Clinton presidency — and when that failed, to convince old people that brown people were coming for them.
But this? This is enough to make you feel like you’re taking crazy pills.
And I know that Christmas is approaching soon, and we’re going to start seeing commercials for some pretty wild stuff, like Snuggies, Chia Pets, portable saunas, and headphones that make you look like you have elf ears.
But if Fox News ever had a baby, and they made a doll of it for their viewers to buy, this would be it. It wasn’t necessarily strange to see the commercial for “Trumpy Bear” on Fox — in fact, it would probably be odd to see it anywhere else, honestly. But the fact that this exists at all is almost incomprehensible.
What’s that? I just breezed right past “Trumpy Bear” like that was a thing I was just gonna type like it was normal?
Sorry about that. What I meant was, holy shit, somebody made a plush bear and named it after this idiot, the way the Teddy Bear was named after Roosevelt.
I’m not even going to ask you if you’re ready for this, because you’re not:
Yes, for the totally-normal-for-a-plush-toy price of just forty dollars, you too can own a bear modeled after our 45th President that both grandmas and heavily-tattooed bikers are sure to love! What’s included with Trumpy Bear?
- Sickeningly yellow nylon hair you are supposed to brush like some kind of Criminal Minds un-sub
- A hidden zipper compartment with a flag blanket inside
- Motorcycle gas tank-shaped posterior for easy positioning right on your hog
- Magical golf powers (possibly not included with some models)
- Certificate of Authenticity that also serves as a long-form birth certificate
- The kind of confidence that only comes with extreme pandering to people with questionable taste and/or IQs
Dear readers, I wish I were making this up, but Snopes assures me that this nightmare is very real, and very much for sale right now. So, uh, you know what to do!
(No, the company does not take returns on intentionally damaged bears)
Featured image via screen capture